To listen to the audio of this blog, click the link: blog sept 20 2010
Life passes too quickly. Getting to grips with that can be quite a challenge: yearning to be able to accomplish – or even just try – everything that burns within, having to accept the reality that you just can’t do it all, some of it is going to have to remain a vision in your mind. What happens to that vision, I wonder? Does it dissipate when you die?
Somehow I can’t believe it does. In the same way that I can’t believe people are gone when they die, or that the life that surges through us with such power ends with this one experience.
Despite that consoling thought, though, don’t we all wrestle with the tension between what we long to do and what we still need to learn so that we can do it? It may be that we need to learn to create resources, or how to operate in a certain milieu; we may need to overcome great fear of things that are trivial to other people – fear that doesn’t dissipate with a mantra or a logical “be positive” mind-mantra. Whatever the specifics, we all face a learning curve, whether it’s about how the world works or how to do ourselves in a way that brings our visions closer to reality.
As time goes flashing by, I become more clear about my own yearnings. I want a safe place within myself where I’m not blown about by other people’s needs, feelings and opinions, but can hold myself intact in the face of them so I don’t need to hide; so I let them be who they are without judgment, and can interact, giving and taking. Living in isolation is the very worst thing, I think.
Then I want a safe place in the world. I want physical things that represent security to me, that I don’t have to constantly be afraid “is this going to be taken away from me tomorrow?”. And I want to work with self-expression in such a way that it facilitates connection with other people.
I guess it’s Maslow’s hierarchy of needs all in one. Put that way, in a nice neat package it seems easy, achievable. But life isn’t a neat package, is it? It’s sometimes messy, laborious and mostly challenging in some way or another. We have to deal with the consequences of our ignorance and the passage of time and to make our way through the morass of daily and time consuming tasks and conflicting needs that make up our physical world.
Still, some people are better at it than I am! I watched Barack Obama talk on the David Letterman show once. He spoke about the basic rights of Americans, and I thought my god, I hardly have any of those in place. It was a nice wake-up call, seeing that so much of what I really struggle to achieve is so familiar to so many people that they completely take it for granted. It’s normal for them. It was like being thirsty and drinking some cool delicious drink, because hey, if other people can do it so can I.
Somehow I suspect that the vision any of us have for the kind of life we long to experience – the whole caboodle – will come to fruition in some way, and then when the time is right, give way to something that’s more meaningful. We’ll get so far this lifetime, and carry the vision, the longing, with us when we die. I like to believe we constantly refine it from lifetime to lifetime, and even though we worry about getting it all right this time round, we don’t actually have to.
Because there’s probably going to be a next time round.
In general, this blog is about the pursuit of dreams. Mine are to establish myself as a vocalist, script & blog writer & novelist, & to earn by doing something meaningful. I need help with some things. Click here to read more about my dreams and what I need. To listen to my singing, click here for yesterday’s blog or click here for my first audio