I have 2 basic dreams: to establish myself as: 1) a vocalist/musician; 2) a film script/novel/blog writer. I wanted to be a musician and writer as a child, but my belief that I was stupid, ugly, uncreative, unlovable and undeserving got in the way. I couldn’t change those beliefs until I went bankrupt 8 years ago. In that place of having nothing I faced the truth of my self esteem and what I believed about myself.
I set about doing the inner work I had to, to be able to change. I also began to sing, play piano and write again. Gradually, as I changed on the inside, my creativity developed, and my desire and ability to have healthy relationships. Now I’m rediscovering my mojo, reconnecting with my dreams and people, and starting my life over, with the same dreams but a better foundation. I’m claiming my life back.
This is what I’ve done on my own so far:
Singing: I’ve developed my voice with some lessons, but mostly on my own. I have a jazz repertoire of about 100 songs, but I’m developing my own compositions too. I play piano (classical for my own benefit, and am learning jazz) and acoustic guitar (only have a cheap one). See my blog of August 24 for more on that.
Writing: I’ve completed a TV series with colleagues; I wrote a novel Meeting Robert de Niro (working title) then adapted it to a screenplay, which I got to Robert de Niro (haven’t heard from him, though). The script ended up being better than the novel, so I need to rewrite the latter. I’m on the 5th draft of my 2nd script, and have 2 others partially written plus 2 in early stages of development. I’ve started on a book about my bankruptcy experience, what it taught me and how it benefitted me. Finally I’ve started a crime novel, which will be the first in a series. I also write this blog, and post articles on Searchwarp.com
Not having money has stood me in good stead in a way up to this point, because it’s forced me to focus on developing my – music and writing. I’ve had help for survival up to now, and haven’t needed many material resources but now they are starting to be important for me to take the next steps, as I move out into the world.
Recovery from bankruptcy (to read the story in 6 parts click here) included overcoming my fear of the world, and beginning to earn again. I have some work that brings in money, but it’s often not enough to sustain me very well (I live off about US$650 – 700 a month, which includes $400 for rent), and definitely not enough to pay for equipment.
This is what I need right now: I’ve quoted approximately.
1. Good quality condenser microphone (Rode M3); US150
2. Decent guitar (Tanglewood); US$400
3. Piano overhaul (pads needs replacement); US$500
4. Good quality digital camera (for my blog, and to earn with iStock); US$600
5. Good quality video camera (also for blog, and to earn with YouTube); US$600
6. More memory for my computer; US$60
7. Cost of sending scripts to: Oprah, Charlize Theron, Matt Damon, Jim Carey, Gavin Hood, Sol Kerzner, 5 other US producers, Sandra Bullock, George Clooney, Renee Zelweiger. US$630 – $45 per script
8. Paper and cartridges for printing scripts and manuscripts US$210 – $15 per script
9. Decent anti-virus / spyware etc.; US$519
10. Get my car fixed (service, starter motor, new tires, and rust fixed); US$600
These items will give me better earning capacity, and allow me to take the next steps in moving forward in my two chosen arenas. I’m looking for help to create a balance in my life between financial independence again and the development of my dreams.
If you have a suggestion, or something you don’t use that you’d like to pass on to me, I’d be so grateful. If you want to donate some money that will also be wonderful. Click on the “donate” button and follow instructions. Choose your own amount. I don’t get to see your bank or credit card details, by the way.
Thanks for reading this.