When people say you have to let go and move on, I always wonder why? What’s wrong with being where you are? Why can’t you just be here, do what you need to do, until here naturally evolves into another place, another state of mind, one that’s truly resolved?
When you’re grieving, or are unhappy about something that’s happened to you, you have a lot of pretty uncomfortable emotion. Which is uncomfortable for others to see. We hate seeing somebody unhappy. And maybe we don’t like getting our buttons pressed. The easiest thing is to put pressure on whoever is emoting to drop it, get over it, move on.
But shut the door prematurely and it’ll just open again, later on, anyway, and then you’re back where you were. I think it comes back to what you do with emotions. Generally we’re not so good at dealing with them so of course they’re uncomfortable, it’s natural to want them to go away. But they have a purpose. They’re symptoms.
So many people believe we shouldn’t have them. But we have got them, and we don’t generally have anything that’s useless to us. Evolution takes care of that – the less we use something the weaker and more insignificant it gets until it disappears. Well, emotions aren’t disappearing are they? It doesn’t matter how little we use them, how much we repress or try to ignore them, they keep getting stronger and stronger. So they must be pretty important.
It’s the western way, to try and make the symptom go away without dealing with the cause. Ridiculous, the symptom is only there because of the cause. With this business of moving on I think we stay stuck in our emotion, because we need something. It’s usually some form of love. If we figure what it is specifically and give it to ourselves, a) the emotion dissipates and b) we naturally move on.
Say you have a garden and you go away for a month, and the person who was going to water for you didn’t pitch. You get back and some plants are okay, but others are wilting. Wilting tells you there’s something they needed that they didn’t get, duh. Well, you don’t criticize or pep-talk the plant, tell it to move on, do you? Of course not, you give it water. Then it moves on. It lives, it flourishes. The symptom has disappeared. Because you met the need.
I don’t think we’re any different. Emotions are our form of wilting. Well we’re different in this: we can shove the emotion down and ignore the need and then tell ourselves we’ve moved on and achieved great wisdom. But it’s only because some part of us has gone numb. Plants are very smart, they don’t bother with such subterfuge. Animals don’t either.
Well, our subterfuge only lasts a while. Pretty soon the cracks start showing. We don’t have any control over that, because we’re born to express and resolve, not repress.