Don’t die before you’re dead: making dreams come true

To listen to the audio of this blog, click here: blog sept 22 2010

Yesterday when I wrote about life being a continuum, and that death isn’t the end, I didn’t mean that we don’t have to live our lives in the best way we can this lifetime because hey, who cares, we can do it next time.

I didn’t mean that at all, because it’s really saying that life isn’t precious.  But life is very precious, every moment of it, no matter what happens next time round.

Believing that death isn’t the end isn’t really a philosophy to live by, because it doesn’t address living, it’s about dying, it addresses fear of death.  But it’s speculative, because what happens beyond this experience is possibly something we can’t know for certain.

What we do know for sure is that we’re alive now, with a lust for life, and things we want to turn from dreams into reality.  Big things and small things.

Right now what’s preoccupying me much more than what happens when I die, is trying to figure out how to combine the fuel of my dreams and desires with practical management of time and prioritizing so that my dreams translate into something real.  Because I want to accomplish the things I’ve had my sights on since I was a child.

Whether I succeed or not isn’t ultimately in my hands and I recognize that, but I’m giving it my best and I will never give up.  Lately I’ve been feeling as if everything is slipping away from me; too many projects, not enough time.  I can feel a Bridget Jones type catastrophe coming on!   Helllp, I’m going to die and be eaten by Alsations.

But actually, I just needed some help in managing what I’m doing, that’s all, and I got it.  Phew, relief!  Can be woman of substance after all.  Definitely don’t fancy being eaten by Alsations.  So now I have a plan that has priorities and points of focus.

Managing our lives?  It’s a pretty challenging thing to do, if life is precious to you and you don’t want to waste it.  You want to make the best decisions you can, you want to work hard but not drive yourself to death, you want to retain your independence of mind and spirit.  Eat well, sleep well, play, have fun, love, be loved, live in community in peace and harmony, work well and with inspiration, be rewarded well… These things apparently don’t come that easily to humans!

Yes, there’s plenty to do while we’re alive.  As for death, I don’t want it to happen, I want to carry on living, just the same as everybody else.  I sure don’t want to die before I’m dead, what a waste.   Even when I’m dead I don’t want to die!   Whatever happens, I think I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.  Right now I’ve got some living to do.

In general, this blog is about the pursuit of dreams.  Mine are to establish myself as a vocalist, film script & blog writer & novelist, to have my own radio station  & to earn by doing something meaningful.   Click here to read more.   To hear an audio blog with me singing Stormy Weather click here: 2nd blog audio sept 18 2010


Second time around

“Being Erica” has been showing here in South Africa and for the advertisement, a bunch of women were asked what do you regret? They all had regrets except for one who struck me as not being able to tell the truth, so she doesn’t count.   None of them said “My dreams are still alive,  I’m starting to work on them now.”

It didn’t occur to any of them to even think about it.   They said “I certainly wouldn’t be an accountant, I’d be a rock star”, “I wish I’d been more inspired, learned how to play an instrument”, “I wish, if I’d practiced more, I’d been a professional ice-skater”.

It’s terrifying for me to watch the dead-endedness of it.   All the women were clearly very dissatisfied with their lives and had huge longing still, but they think their dreams are over, which means they probably are.   The walking dead.   What’s stopping the accountant from learning how to play an electric guitar and singing, or Miss uninspired from going to therapy, starting an instrument now?   And what’s in the way of the ice-skater getting back on the ice and practicing now?

There’s a belief that runs deep in a certain part of South African culture that sends me running for the hills shrieking.  I can’t and but what can you do? pretty much cover it.   The latter is like a national anthem, a mantra.  There’s a bloated virtue in the self-sacrifice of it, the saintly shrug of the shoulders.   Gaaahhh.

I prefer the words of a song Second Time Around.   Of course it’s about love, but you can apply it to dreams and starting again with your life.   Anytime, doesn’t matter what your age is.

Love is lovelier, the second time around / Just as wonderful, with both feet on the ground / It’s that second time you hear your love song sung / Makes you think perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young / Love’s more comfortable the second time you fall / Like a friendly home the second time you call / Who can say, what brought us to this miracle we’ve found / There are those who’d bet / Love comes but once – and yet / I’m oh so glad we met / The second time around.

Love the optimism of it.

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Susan Boyle, Mickey Mouse and I

I’ve been reading older posts – gaaahhh!  Painful to read.  Whoo.  Grappling in the dark.

Pregnant Pause.

The celebrity I wrote about yesterday whose helping hand I want is Patricia Lewis.  I naively thought I could find her contact details on the web.  Right, well that didn’t happen.  Don’t seem to be any contact details for the show even, though they’re going to be auditioning pretty soon for the next season.  Must be able to find her somewhere.

Surely the Universe will arrange it.  Which will be a Sign that am on the right spiritual path.  Or career path.  Or even material path.  I’ll take any path I can get.  Just not the Poverty Path.  Been there done that.  Still there doing that, look forward to – oh that’s enough of this paragraph.

Shall be South Africa’s version of Susan Boyle.  Or else, to quote brilliant friend, shall be South Africa’s  Mickey Mouse in Fantasia. You know the bit where he is the Sorcerer’s apprentice and all the household bits go bananas and chase him around the kitchen. So there you are being pursued by brooms and kettles and saucepans and wooden spoons and even ironing boards BUT you are still holding on to your mic and singing at the top of your voice!”

Either of them will do.  Of course could just be Jennifer Stewart.  Right. Susan, Mickey and I are starting worldwide trend to recognize that older women have just as much to offer as nubile young beauties.  Obviously not to men between ages of 16 and 96 going through mid-life crisis, but there’s the Rest Of Us.   Beautiful young women will look at us and either be inspired or gloat, which is v. positive effect for them.

Everybody else will say “well it happened for her, so it can happen for me”.

Don’t die before you’re dead.

Don’t die before you’re dead

I recently saw a bunch of women asked what do you regret?   They all had given up on dreams.  Not one of them said I have my life ahead of me, my dreams are still alive.  Some said:  “I certainly wouldn’t be an accountant, I’d be a rock star”, “I wish I’d been more inspired, learned how to play an instrument”, “I wish, if I’d practiced more, I’d been a professional ice-skater”.  It’s terrifying. They’re dissatisfied with their lives, they think their dreams are over, which means they probably are.  The walking dead.

What’s stopping the accountant from learning to play an electric guitar and singing? What’s stopping miss uninspired from going to therapy, starting an instrument now, and what’s in the way of the ice-skater getting back on the ice and practicing now?

This is the thing about a certain part of South African culture that shreds me.  People give up so easily. “But what can you do”? is like a national anthem, a mantra.  There’s virtue in the self-sacrifice of it, the saintly shrug of the shoulders. If life didn’t work out there’s nothing you can do about it.

It’s just so not true.  You could still have your dreams. If you just opened your mind to the possibility that the way you see life isn’t the only way that life can be.  If you considered things like your permissions, your how-to’s, your early influences, your present emotions.

If you could just allow yourself to consider the concept that we believe things we’re not even conscious of. That we’re puppets of our conditioning, doomed to blindly act out what we’ve unwittingly learned only up to a point.  From then on we can wake up to the truth of what controls us.  We can face our truth.  We can learn to be free.

If you could only embrace the idea that we don’t have to believe we can’t do anything about our lives and the ideas we cling to which suffocate us.  If you could only allow the possibility that just because you can’t see solution doesn’t mean it isn’t there, that the choices you made which prohibited your dreams from coming to fruition are choices you’re still making.

There’s so much entrapment here by undermining beliefs and ideas about how life has to be.  Such a huge persecuting critical parent ego state. Such nauseating, stifling and life-defying compliance.  So little entitlement.  So much repressed emotion.  So much victim, rescue, persecution.  Out of which horrifying medium has emerged my own psyche, self.  No wonder I’ve needed to change.

I can never understand why people aren’t totally consumed with longing to reach a better place.   “It’s not so bad, I can’t complain, I have to make the best of it.  Oh, what’s this, have I got cancer?  How did that happen?  But it’s not so bad, it could be gangrene or something. No use in complaining. Just got to be brave.”

It makes me want to  scream. Yes it is so bad.  Otherwise you wouldn’t mention it.  And why can’t you complain?  There’s plenty of point in doing it, it’s called expression.  The more dissatisfied you let yourself be, the more likely you are to do something about it.  Why try to make the best of something that’s crap?  What’s the virtue in accepting less than your heart’s desire?  What’s the point of living such a compromised life?

Who is it pleasing?  Not you, that’s for sure.  God? I don’t think so.  Why would that get you into heaven?  Please, live while you’re alive.  Don’t die before you’re dead.