Don’t die before you’re dead: making dreams come true

To listen to the audio of this blog, click here: blog sept 22 2010

Yesterday when I wrote about life being a continuum, and that death isn’t the end, I didn’t mean that we don’t have to live our lives in the best way we can this lifetime because hey, who cares, we can do it next time.

I didn’t mean that at all, because it’s really saying that life isn’t precious.  But life is very precious, every moment of it, no matter what happens next time round.

Believing that death isn’t the end isn’t really a philosophy to live by, because it doesn’t address living, it’s about dying, it addresses fear of death.  But it’s speculative, because what happens beyond this experience is possibly something we can’t know for certain.

What we do know for sure is that we’re alive now, with a lust for life, and things we want to turn from dreams into reality.  Big things and small things.

Right now what’s preoccupying me much more than what happens when I die, is trying to figure out how to combine the fuel of my dreams and desires with practical management of time and prioritizing so that my dreams translate into something real.  Because I want to accomplish the things I’ve had my sights on since I was a child.

Whether I succeed or not isn’t ultimately in my hands and I recognize that, but I’m giving it my best and I will never give up.  Lately I’ve been feeling as if everything is slipping away from me; too many projects, not enough time.  I can feel a Bridget Jones type catastrophe coming on!   Helllp, I’m going to die and be eaten by Alsations.

But actually, I just needed some help in managing what I’m doing, that’s all, and I got it.  Phew, relief!  Can be woman of substance after all.  Definitely don’t fancy being eaten by Alsations.  So now I have a plan that has priorities and points of focus.

Managing our lives?  It’s a pretty challenging thing to do, if life is precious to you and you don’t want to waste it.  You want to make the best decisions you can, you want to work hard but not drive yourself to death, you want to retain your independence of mind and spirit.  Eat well, sleep well, play, have fun, love, be loved, live in community in peace and harmony, work well and with inspiration, be rewarded well… These things apparently don’t come that easily to humans!

Yes, there’s plenty to do while we’re alive.  As for death, I don’t want it to happen, I want to carry on living, just the same as everybody else.  I sure don’t want to die before I’m dead, what a waste.   Even when I’m dead I don’t want to die!   Whatever happens, I think I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.  Right now I’ve got some living to do.

In general, this blog is about the pursuit of dreams.  Mine are to establish myself as a vocalist, film script & blog writer & novelist, to have my own radio station  & to earn by doing something meaningful.   Click here to read more.   To hear an audio blog with me singing Stormy Weather click here: 2nd blog audio sept 18 2010


Searchwarp, Bridget Jones, Marc D’Arcy, Google, Paris Hilton, Robert de Niro, Oprah and I

Very few people leave comments on my blog and/or use the rating thing.    They look nice, those red stars, especially the 5 stars.    Confession?    I’m the only one doing it at the moment.   Oh God, am becoming self-congratulatory like Paris Hilton.   Hope Google doesn’t punish me.   Sometimes they do.   Have to remember Google isn’t God.

I digress.   Traffic to my blog has gone from 12 to 750 a month.    Whoopee.   Altogether, 2,600 page views of 300 blogs, in 11 months.   But on Searchwarp, in 5 months I’ve had over 22,000 page views of 65 articles and probably 600 very bloody nice comments and generally good ratings.

Hmmm.   Well I’m not giving my blog up, because it’s mine sweet mine and I love a challenge.   That’s not totally true, I like it when it’s conquered and down on the ground v. dead and I stand with one foot on its belly, my sword raised triumphantly in the air.

Always wanted to be noticed, discovered and applauded but was so damn uncool.   Plus I hadn’t done anything that was discoverable.   You see the difficulty.   Now, with Searchwarp?   Heaven, I’m in heaven.   I might even be making it into the cool group.   My experience is a bit like Mark D’Arcy telling Bridget Jones he loved her just the way she was.

Notwithstanding which, this morning I woke up to the thought Gaaahhhh!   What if I never break through?   Time is marching, what if there isn’t enough time?    Panic.   Dooom.

Then I remembered.   Hang on, I’ve got a completed script and I got it to Robert de Niro.   Granted it could be in his toilet, but perhaps I could send him a reminder to take a dump more often.    Oh that’s disgusting.    Plus, I’ve got a visible blog which Oprah or any publisher or film producer could see any day.   And all sorts of other writing projects.   It’s fine, I’ve got that all covered.

It’s the flipping singing.  that’s.  not.  flowing.   She said with gritted teeth.

‘”Well, it’s probably not meant to be, so stop feeling sorry for yourself and just focus on your writing.”
“No, I don’t want to, I want both” she said petulantly, sulking, thoroughly bothered, a bit flushed – probably menopausally.
“Well, you’ll never get anywhere really with either one unless you focus.”
“Mind your own business.   I’m a woman, I can multi-task.”

Probably the problem is just gritted teeth.    Need to ungrit them.

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2010 World Cup Soccer in South Africa

I really like my Bridget Jones take-off idea.  If I do it well enough maybe I’ll get a Colin Firth type man in my life.  And a job with a screwball producer.  Hmm.  Not so sure about that part, but for certain I’d get a film deal and become important woman of substance.

Last night I scrabbled about for a justification.  Why can’t I copy her?  Apart from all the obvious reasons which are too many to list.   Then I saw it.

Aha!  Helen Fielding slyly and patently obviously took her inspiration to satirize – let alone a character’s name – from Jane Austen.  Cleverly, unabashedly, unashamedly.  Got applauded for it, and I’m included in the applauders, I’m one of her biggest fans.  But what if Jane Austen had been alive, though?  Would her book have been labeled a rip-off?

So why can’t I do the same, only I’ll take my inspiration from Helen Fielding?  I know what, I can call my heroine Bridget Jones.

If Fielding’s publishers ever came after me I could plead a pretty good case in court, don’t you think?  Then she and I could jointly write a book about the war between us – and get another film deal.  Bridget Jones vs. Bridget Jones.

I want Mark Darcy!”  “No, he’s mine!  I want him!  Give him back!

It’s a brilliant idea,  Yes!!!  At Last!  My troubles are over, am woman of substance.  Am confident, world famous and important script and novel writer.  Ooooh.  Phone.   Probably it’s Oprah, or Robert de Niro.  Unless it’s Colin Firth of course.

What’s all this got to do with the title of this blog?  Nothing.  I got sidetracked.  I’ll tell you about 2010 World Cup Soccer in South Africa tomorrow.  If I’m still around.  If I haven’t already been hauled away to Hollywood.

I’m Right and Everybody Else is Wrong

I’m reading Helen Fielding’s The Edge of Reason for the gazillionth time.  I absolutely love Bridget Jones but alas I’m laughing at myself.  Well mind you I don’t smoke, am not overweight or in love with Colin Firth aka Mark Darcy.  In fact don’t have a Mark Darcy in my life – not even a Daniel – or my own flat and I’m not in my 30’s.   Oh.   Blast.   My life is worse than Bridget Jones’.   Better not go down that road.

Apart from that we’re identical, right?     Up one minute, sure I understand the meaning of life, excited about my potential future, sure my dreams can come true.

Down the next.  Doom.  Doooom.

Bloody hell.

Yesterday I took the day off and went by train into the city.  I thought about Bridget Jones and all her self-help books, and then I thought some more.  How about a satire on Change Your Life self-help books.   Trouble is, I’d want to write it just like Bridget Jones.  That wouldn’t do.

The idea’s good, though.  Maybe I can be original with it.   Wish I was Helen Fielding so I could just do it like Bridget Jones.  Much easier than trying to be original.  Probably end up much funnier, also.    Might turn out that I’m not awfully good at satire.

Better not go down that road before I’ve started.  Better stick to the core which is all the change your life instructions, online courses, e-books, articles.

The substance ranges hugely: Meditate!!! Get Organised!!! Figure it all out in your head!!!  Change the way you think!!!  Be Positive (lots of people love that one)!!!!   Dismiss your anger!!!  Give your life to Jesus, let him figure it out!!!!  Think of others before you think of yourself!!!  Do good deeds!!!!  Learn what the 10 or 60 million or only 3 points of successful behavior and thinking are and follow them!!!!  You too can Change Your Life Just As I Have!!!  Use your thoughts to overcome your emotions!!!   The Mind controls everything!!!  Don’t meditate!!!!   Don’t dismiss your anger!!!  Don’t live in your head!!!   Feel, be Real!!!

Oh wait a minute, the last four are mine.

Truth time?  I don’t know any more if what works for me would work for anybody else.   Well that’s what I think today, anyway.  Probably tomorrow I’ll go back to being quite sure that I’m Right and Everybody Else is Wrong.

To quote Bridget Jones,   Hmmmmm.