Sometimes Chocolate Works

I’m a co-creator in my life.  My part is to be as present as I can and as accountable as possible for my actions.  A friend of mine once said “all we have to do is show up at the door.  The rest isn’t up to us.”  Easier said than done.

Everything has a price.  It’s always a trade off between what has to be paid and what can be gained, and whether that gain is just for physical survival or for integrity of the heart and soul.  The belief that one has to be sacrificed for the other is very powerful in western culture.  I’ll stick to my belief that whilst it’s a challenge to have a really good balance, it is possible.

This moment is all I really have.  A moment that holds wild dreams and powerful aspirations as well as the reality of what I’m capable of achieving right now.  So long as I allow the former to live and breathe and accept the truth of the latter it will develop to the point where my dreams can actually materialize.

Vulnerability isn’t shameful.  It doesn’t mean you’re a failure.  It means you need love.

Barack Obama said once that without compromise nothing would ever be achieved, and the American Constitution wouldn’t exist.  He added, though, that everybody has the right to draw their line in the sand.

When somebody walks away from a relationship, it could be because they’re selfish and thoughtless.  But it’s just as possible they left for a real reason.  It’s easy to blame the person who leaves.  Not so easy to examine your own behavior to see if you chased them away.

I like people who can say “If I’ve hurt you, I’m sorry, and if you want to talk about it I want to listen.”

People who are afraid of their own feelings and don’t know what to do with them will be terrified of yours, and will pressurize you not to feel, but to be sensible and rational.  What they don’t realize is that if only they could let you be and give you love and understanding, you would automatically get to that point of being sensible and rational.

When we overvalue money life will give us an opportunity to reassess our values.  It will do it gently at first, but if we can’t listen, the opportunities will get increasingly painful until we can’t avoid them any more.

Humans are notoriously bad at listening to their own needs, and placing any value on them.  This has been turned somehow into a saintly virtue.

If I’m judging somebody else without making the effort to know their side of the story, chances are I’m avoiding uncomfortable truths within myself.  Easier to judge you than to face me.  We should be careful with our judgments because they are lethal weapons that can do a lot of damage, especially if we spread them around so other people believe them too.  The saying “sticks and stones can break my bones but words can do no harm” is bollocks.

Sometimes chocolate works.

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The Creative Process – From Dreaming To Reality

Here’s why people prefer to dream than to do something about their dreams.  The first stage is fabulous, it’s where you let all your ideas go wild.  You don’t censor anything, don’t tell yourself you can’t succeed.  It’s kind of like taking a drug that inhibits all your inhibitions.  I like that phase a lot.

Then you start to organize your thoughts and begin to create something real.  This part is where challenges start.  A lot of people give up at the threshold, and prefer to make excuses – I would if I could, but…  If you can push yourself over the threshold, though, it gets much more exciting than dreaming, and as challenges come up you deal with them.

Momentum builds and pretty soon you’re carried on the wave of your own creativity.  There’s nothing like it.  It’s also where you start to realize “hey, my dream could actually come true.”  It’s a pretty inspiring and energizing thought.

Then you’re done with whatever it is you’ve created and you launch it.  And without realizing it you’re back in the dreaming phase.  You think you’re being practical but actually you can’t help yourself believing you’re going to be an instant success.

You think of all the people who have managed to rise above the seething masses and be noticed by more than family and friends, and you think “this is going to happen for me too.”  It’s true, you have created this possibility, fashioned it out of a dream, worked on it in a real way.  You read and hear about the successes.

You even read about their challenges along the way but somehow it doesn’t sink it that probably you’re going to have them too.  You think, “well, it couldn’t have been so bad for them, because they must have known somewhere in their hearts that it was all going to work out okay.”

Maybe for some people instant success happens, but it hasn’t happened for me yet.  I have to constantly remind myself that that’s the operative word – “yet”.  I’m facing the reality that the challenges of this phase put you in a very lonely and scary place.  It’s the time you want to give up, because you’re swimming in a quagmire of self-doubt about you and what you’ve created.

It’s natural to look to the outside world for affirmation, and when you don’t get it, to believe you don’t deserve it.  It’s easy to want to give up.  But this, I think, is exactly the time when you have to stay and keep on going.   Live on hope.  Be grateful that you can generate it.  Try not to listen to the part of you that laughs, mocks, jeers “who do you think you are?  You’re a lunatic.”

I paper my walls with messages that remind me not to give in to that crap.  Remind me that the idea that I can’t succeed is as much a speculation as the idea that I can.  So why choose to believe the one that destroys my hope and cauterizes my creativity?

This phase of turning a dream into a reality is the hardest of all.  It’s a constant fight to hold onto faith and hope; remember the pleasure I’ve had so far in creating, and keep on reaching for it.  It’s a constant bloody fight to not give up.  But it’s the good fight.

To buy my ebook And What About Me? Am I Into Him? on how to get real love and respect and be real in relationships,  Click the title or the cover image at the start of this blog.  Only $5.99!