Demeaning Jokes About Women Aren’t Funny

A few nights ago I was at dinner where a man made a crude joke demeaning women.  I don’t remember the context, just that it was something about women being “open for business”.  I got so angry that I just saw red and now my memory has blurred.  I can’t remember whether he was actually referring to me in his joke.   Surely not.

He thought he was hilarious.  I felt dirty and violated.  I wanted to joke about his dick in a way that would have had him feeling nervously to see if it was still there.  I wanted to slap him and knock him off his seat, kick him in the groin.  I wanted him to hurt the way I was hurting.

But I didn’t.  I just kind of played along, retorting sarcastically but humorously.  I left.  I was leaving anyway.  I hate myself for being so scared, but I knew that if I showed how outraged and insulted I was he would have mocked me and made me look like a prude with no sense of humor.  I didn’t used to be this much of a coward.   Where did my spirit go?

The “jokes” that demean women aren’t funny.  The men who have to tell them aren’t men.


6 thoughts on “Demeaning Jokes About Women Aren’t Funny

  1. You wonder what guys are trying to accomplish by doing this – they certainly aren’t endearing themselves to the woman around them. We have a neighbor in his 70s that is always saying things with a double meaning or making suggestive comments – It makes me want to get as far away from him as fast as I can… know what I mean?

    • I know what you mean! I always believe that essentially it’s about some deep-rooted and unacknowledged insecurity or anger against women. It’s a form of passive aggression, I guess.

  2. Men who have to resort to demeaning women are NOT men or even bad little boys. They are just JERKS and your best response is to make up an inane (obviously untrue) reason why you have to leave. Example: “Oh I just remembered I have to organize my spice shelf…” or some such foolish excuse….and excuse yourself and leave. Also NEVER be around him again. If he’s your boss or a co-worker call your Human Resources department.

  3. No one deserves to have to put up with that kind of abuse!!
    Have you heard of the 3 steps of assertiveness? I think that they would come in handy in this situation…
    1. Aknowledge other person
    2. State your feelings
    3. Ask for what you want
    i.e. .. “I understand that your’e trying to be funny, but I feel offended and hurt by what you have just said, and I would like it if you stopped telling such demeaning jokes in my presence.”

    • Hi Nats! I love what you say, it’s straightforward and upfront, and has dignity. I was too humiliated and angry to hold onto my presence of mind. Hopefully next time I’ll do better 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s