People can get quite aggressive when they think you should move on. It always annoys me, brings out the rebel, and I wonder why the pressure? What’s wrong with being where you are? Why can’t you just be here, do what you need to do, until here evolves into another place, another state of mind?
I wonder if it’s because when we’re miserable about something it’s uncomfortable for others to see. So they try to force us to be happy – then they can be comfortable. Well, partly. Partly it’s just horrible to see somebody unhappy if you love them. Even if you don’t know them. But I don’t think the solution is to shut the door on unhappy or angry or scared. It’ll just open again, later on, anyway, and then you’re back where you were.
I think it comes back to what we do with emotions. Generally we’re not so good at dealing with them. So it’s natural to want them to go away, because they’re so uncomfortable. But that’s a bit like braking when your car goes into a skid, it’s counterproductive. Or leaning backwards when you’re learning to ski. Or if you’re really cold and you resist inside of yourself. It’s actually the resistance that hurts, not the cold. If you breathe into the cold and embrace it it’s easier to deal with.
So many people seem to think we shouldn’t have emotions, that the uncomfortable ones are negative. But we have got them, and we don’t generally have anything that’s useless to us. Evolution takes care of that. Usually with evolution, the less we use something the smaller it gets until it disappears. Well it doesn’t matter how little we use emotions, how much we repress or try to ignore them, they keep getting stronger and stronger. So they must be a pretty important survival tool.
I think they’re very useful when it comes to this business of moving on. Maybe we stay stuck not because we’re bad or stubborn or neurotic, but because we need something from whatever we’re stuck in. If we figure out what it is and give it to ourselves, the emotions dissipate and we naturally move on.
Think about it, say you have a garden and you go away for a month, and the person who was going to water for you didn’t pitch. You get back and some plants are okay, but others are wilting. Wilting tells you there’s something wrong – in the plant’s past. Well you don’t criticize the plant, or tell it to move on, do you? Of course not, you give it water. Then it moves on. It lives, it flourishes. Because you met the need.
I don’t think we’re any different. Moving on, letting go, they’re the result of something, they’re not proactive actions in themselves. Plants tell us they need something by wilting. We know we need something because we feel. We don’t move on because there’s something we need. We stay stuck until we figure out what it is, and get it. Then we move on. For real. Simple.
Otherwise, it looks to me as if it’s just a charade. The moving-on charade parade. Always leaping forward into the next moment and not getting what we need out of this one.