This is the first time in a year that I’ve let so much time go by without posting something here. It feels strange, as if something got amputated. I’ve got so used to the ritual of it, and even though it’s hard to think of something to say every day, it’s kind of held my world together.
Writing doesn’t come easily to me, words don’t form in simple sentences. Somebody said writing is about staring at a blank piece of paper until your forehead bleeds! That’s about right for me. My thoughts seem clear and uncluttered, but something gets screwed up in the translation process. Then I have to spend hours cleaning out all the garbage, trying to simplify.
Still, it’s been like having my coffee in the morning. Something I could depend on, even when I haven’t felt inspired.
Then somebody said “hey, here’s a plane ticket”. You know how some experiences blast the sides right out of your world? Well this one did. Not just the flying, the everything of it. Being in an environment that was stimulating and exciting, safe, pleasurable.
And I get to do it over and over. Just like good sex. Seriously I feel as if I walked out of prison into a beautiful world I was afraid would never exist for me again. It’s been a long time that I’ve been wrestling with feeling like a loser and a third class citizen.
With all the different dreams I have, and plans that keep forming out of my desires, I’ve been worrying lately that there are just too many, and I’ve been getting fragmented, not knowing which one should I choose, singing or writing, script or novel, blog or no blog.
In a way the decision’s been made for me at least for the next 5 months. I’ve got a huge amount of work to do for the course and I’m making that my priority. Alongside internet marketing. I’m going to focus on those two. For now anyway. Even educational TV isn’t getting much of my attention. Recording? Radio show? Forget it. Too time consuming. Damn, going to have to rethink the Paypal thing.
If Michael Buble shows up at my door of course things could change in an instant.