You can listen to the audio of this blog. Just click on this link: 2nd blog audio sept 18 2010
Lately I’ve had a whole lot of frustrated emotion building up. Stormy Weather.
Remember Robert de Niro in Analyze This, when Billy Crystal suggests he let out his frustration on a pillow? Well, I didn’t quite take out a gun, but I did let loose on pillows. What a pleasure! Not trying to control my anger or think beyond it or talk myself into being rational. Just being enraged and letting it out with my body. On an inanimate object; leaping about, shouting whatever angry rude things came into my head. Very rude, actually. Being as bad-ass as I could.
Call me crazy, but I’m not built to push that stuff down. When I do it gets compressed within; thoughts become contorted, imagination goes wild in very irrational ways. Life seems grim, and I feel quite disconnected from people. I can’t think, talk, discipline or meditate my way out of that. But when I let off the steam in private in a big way the clouds clear, the sun comes out, sense and sensibility is established. Nobody gets hurt, life looks good and I’m ready to connect again.
Well, putting my 1st audio together and launching it brought about a lot of connection, that’s for sure. Thanks to everyone who commented and gave such great feedback. I love you! Here’s the most basic truth about life: when people tell you they love you or they enjoy something you’ve done it makes you very happy, gives you faith in yourself. Makes you want to take on the world, of course it does.
Lots of people suggested a radio show of some sort. Fantastic idea. I could have a phone in time, do interviews, have different topics, explore the world of people, maybe do skype. I could even have an agony aunt section – love that idea. I guess it would be a kind of radio magazine, with different sections, different time slots. Somebody even suggested a “singing for my supper” slot. Good idea. Online busking. The coward’s way! So what, what’s wrong with being a coward.
Of course that presumes I could record songs that sound half way decent. If yesterday and today are anything to go by, I won’t have much supper. I downloaded a backing track for Stormy Weather and sang along, but it sounded pretty ghastly, and I couldn’t get the recording levels right. Ended up having to have another tantrum. Well, today I did it again, and it’s not perfect, but it’s the best I can do. It’s going to take me a while to learn how to do anything that’s even vaguely polished. But that’s okay. It is what it is.
And I love this radio idea. Of course I have to build a following, but that will come. Yes, I like this road I’m traveling on. The best thing about it? It’s all about connection.
If you like what you heard and would like to contribute something to keeping this dreamer alive, click the donate button and follow the instructions. I don’t get to see your banking details. If you want to know more about my dreams and what I need help with, click here.