I saw the first whales in the bay today, presage of summer. First there were two frolicking away, sticking their tails up and blowing water spouts. Then there was a gigantic one, with so many barnacles it was almost white. It’s tail was huge, and when it took a dive I saw that it’s belly was also immense, I’m sure it’s pregnant. They come here to give birth, and I wondered if that’s what it was doing. I watched forever, but it didn’t perform for me. Whales are funny that way. A bit like cats.
When I moved here, I couldn’t figure out what all the fuss was about, regarding whales. Sure, they blow spouts and throw their tails up but that gets old after a while. You can stand for days with your eyes glued to the binoculars and never see much. Then one day I happened to be glancing out and whoosh! A whale leaped right out of the water! My word. Now I understand. That split second of massive power makes all the hard and boring work of watching and waiting worth it.
I have to presume that what I’m doing now with singing is the same. When you just dream about something it’s wonderful, all fantasy-rosy-hued. It’s easy to be inspired and to say yes I can! But when you actually do it you hit everything in yourself and the world around you that says you can’t do this, other people can but not you. And you go through periods when there’s an awful lot of this is no damn fun, it’s a waste of time blah blah blah. A whole lot of the decisions you make are very pedestrian and uninspiring and often you can’t see how they can lead you to the place you think you want to go.
Even that gets obscure. So then singing becomes no fun, it’s just torture. So you don’t want to do it. What do you do then? Bloody hell. Listening to Harry Connick Jr. reminded me of something. His voice is so beautifully relaxed, he doesn’t push it, just lets it out. It’s impossible to explain how something you once could do naturally has gone away. I used to be able to sing like that as a kid, but I lost it. Trying to get it back. Along with my mojo.
Ain’t happening today. Maybe I should just sing the blues. Good morning heartache / You old gloomy sight / Good morning heartache / I thought we said goodbye last night / I tossed and turned until it seemed you were gone / But now you’re back with the dawn
…Stop haunting me now / I don’t need you nohow / Just leave me alone / I’ve got those Monday blues / Straight through Sunday blues …
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