Oprah once spoke of how she loved blowing bubbles as a kid, and longed to do it again, but didn’t let herself do it. Then one day she realized how much she really wanted to, and discovered that long ago someone had given her a bottle of the stuff which she’d stashed and forgotten about. It was right there in her cupboard.
So she blew herself some bubbles and satisfied that longing. Her point? If we don’t let ourselves acknowledge the power and value of our longing, it doesn’t matter how many resources we have, it isn’t going to happen for us. Then when we face the truth, sometimes we realize we’ve had the resources available to us all along.
I suppose lots of people said “oh please, she could have bought herself some damn bubble-blowing stuff any time she wanted”. Yes, but she didn’t take her own desire seriously, because some part of her said she couldn’t. It was her belief, that had the stranglehold over her.
Doesn’t matter how wealthy you are, ideas / beliefs have much more power than money. Case in point: yesterday I got sound on my computer, da da da daaa!! I can listen to as much music as I want. Miracle city!
Listening has got to be the easiest thing in the world, right? Not for me. I stopped doing it in my teens. Total shut-down. Spent most of my life completely blanking that part out. I didn’t know I was allowed to have the thing I loved the most in the whole world, so I shut it down. Too bloody painful is why.
When I got this computer, the speakers didn’t work. I thought it was the plug, so I tried two others. Nada. I presumed my computer needed a sound card and that I’d have to wait until I could afford to buy it, which was never-never land.
But I’ve started taking this desire to sing and play and listen really seriously. And I’m saying okay, you can have this. Yesterday I was sweeping the floor by the plug, and heard this strange buzzing sound coming from it. I took it out and stuck it in the other way round. Bingo. Have music, can fly with the wind!
I wonder what else is in my world that I can’t see because I believe it’s not there or I believe I can’t have it and it’s out of my reach.
Well, it’s a good thing I’m so spiritual and believe I get another shot at this plane of existence. Next time I’m going to start listening when I’m in the womb! As for this life, now is what I’ve got. I’ve always preferred to get the horrible stuff over with first. Now it feels like Christmas in While You Were Sleeping.
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