Life: is it about one size fits all?


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I counted up the money I’ve got for the next 6 weeks and have decided to spend some of it on a month’s worth of singing lessons.   I always seem to be up against this, I have money to live on pretty minimally, and I can do stuff at home – sing, play piano, write.   But I don’t have resources to take what I do into the world.   If I want to spend money on those things it comes out of food money.

Well, I’m doing it anyway.  I’m going to a jazz singer/piano player, Amanda Tiffin, if she’ll have me.    Ask her to help me put together an appealing repertoire of standards – the kind of stuff Michael Buble sang when he started, as it happens!

Hard to sing yesterday, just couldn’t get my voice going.   Had this inner collapse thing going on.   Terrifying.  I did my exercises and sang along with Sarah Vaughan anyway, Black Coffee, Button up your Overcoat and others but my heart wasn’t in it and I didn’t know how to engage it.

I posted one of my blogs on Searchwarp, about yesterday, today and tomorrow and got 16 great comments, great ratings, one not so good comment – “…I’m not sure you’re as focused as you should be to achieve all that you wish for, but I wish you luck with your efforts.”    My first reaction was to think she’s right, there’s something wrong with the way I’m doing it.   Doooom, I’ll never get it right.   Ad nauseam.   It created a storm, and had a whole lot to do with that inner collapse thing.  So I did my tantrum, and was left with this:

So long as we want to be loved and supported – pretty natural human desire, I’d say – it’s going to hurt when somebody says you’re doing it wrong and doesn’t offer any helpful, constructive advice.   It’s going to switch on all your Las Vegas neon light inner messages about not being enough.   So that’s good, you get to see them and ask the question is this the truth?

You get to look at your life and what you’ve accomplished; figure it out for yourself.   No, it’s not the truth. So next time somebody says something less than supportive you’ll be stronger within, you won’t find yourself lying on your back in the dust bloody hell, how did they knock me down so easily? Most of all, you don’t let it stop you.

Whatever our reaction to other people’s opinions, we can’t define ourselves by them.   We’ll just be tossed about in the winds and storms of their beliefs and unresolved issues.   One will believe one thing, the next will believe the opposite.   What they say speaks about them, not about you.   If we take it on we lose your own compass and give up.

Henry Ford said you get what you accept. It sounded so trite when I first heard it, until I looked at it the other way round.  What you have is what you’ve accepted. Not just in physical things, in absolutely everything.

I don’t believe life is about one size fits all, one way to fulfill dreams, one way to focus.   I think it’s more that each person has their own size.   One person one size – like one person one vote.   This I do know: everybody who’s ever made it has had scores of people – and some very authoritative ones – tell them they’re doing it wrong.   So a comment like the one I got must mean I’m on the right track, heading in the right direction.   Yeah, yeah, maybe.

Maybe, though, the commentor just meant I don’t really understand what your focus is and expressed themselves clumsily.   I know my focus is spread between singing, writing a blog, a script, a novel, an autobio, work, playing piano.   Am I spreading myself too thin?

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One thought on “Life: is it about one size fits all?

  1. I think the most outstanding piece of wisdom in this blog is “we can’t define ourselves by others opinions.” Also really like the way you take a less than helpful comment and look at it to see how much, if any truth there is in it.

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