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Thinking about crisis. My take on it is that it shatters denial that everything’s okay right deep within and exposes the reality of everything that has created an impoverished self esteem. Part of the denial is the material world we build around us, that tells us and everybody else we’re okay Jack. That world was built on beliefs about Right and Wrong, and our deservability. It wasn’t built on ultimate truth.
The thing is, they were our parents’ and society’s beliefs, not ours. We just soaked them up unknowingly. That’s what children do. We learned to compromise ourselves, suppress emotions and needs, be unselfish, be practical, be in control, be spiritual, be nobody. All for the greater good of humanity which never transpires, or to get to heaven which never happens.
It stands to reason that any world constructed on that basis is going to be limiting. You think? It doesn’t allow you to breathe, let alone listen to your heart and soul’s desires and follow your dreams. But this is the authentic you, the part that nobody can alter. Not even you. It’s that which is sacred and unique about everybody. It has huge power.
So here I am with my sacred part shut in a dark room somewhere in the recesses of a world I’ve constructed that complies with other people’s rules. I’m stuck in a tiny little box. I force myself to do things I really don’t want to do. I rationalize that I must do them because it makes me responsible, keeps me safe… Then bam! CRASH! Crisis from out of left field. The world I’ve constructed falls apart.
When our little safe and stifling box gets shattered, terrifying as it may be, I believe there is the potential for something much, much better in the wings. I don’t mean holy-spiritual. I mean at every level of life – “this is more fun, it gives me more freedom, more love, more mobility, more pleasure, more joy, more creative expression, makes life more meaningful, makes me thrilled to be alive”. And yes, I believe material reward is part of it. I don’t buy this “got to be poor to be spiritual or enlightened” thing. Can be if you want to, but that’s your choice.
So the crash is about breaking new ground. Being a pioneer for your life, sorting through the rubble, working out what beliefs you want to keep and which ones you want to toss out. Building a new foundation based on rules that work for you, and on which you can construct a bigger box that lets you live a bigger life, where you’re the boss. Isn’t there a term for that? Yess! Stepping out of History. Hah!
Pioneering is v. exciting and v. challenging. Looks romantic from the outside. It’s more like fighting bloody wars from the inside. And they’re all inside your own head, which makes it even harder, because you have to deal with “am I just insane?” all the time as well.
Worth it, though. My last thought on this: I don’t think anything happens for nothing, I don’t believe in chaos, and I think every crisis, no matter how small it might seem or how impossibly insurmountable, has the potential for a very brilliant outcome. Just don’t give up. That’s all, she wrote.