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Writer Randy Vaughan wrote an article about having dreams which I interpreted as angry and snarly, two days after I posted this one. It pressed a lot of buttons. This was his conclusion:
“…If by some chance you do indeed get to make your own personal “dream” come to pass…admit that along the way you were fortunate/lucky/blessed enough to benefit from the help and influence of others. At the same time, of course, all it takes is one other person to blow our dreams all to bloody hell, right?
But there’s also this: “Dream” suggests being asleep. So if you’re truly living your own “dream,” I’m indeed very happy for you. But don’t go getting all self-righteous and pompous and insist that those of us who are awake aren’t entitled to point out all that’s thoroughly whacked in the world. After all, you’re “asleep,” remember? So how in the hell would you know what’s really going on?”
Ooh. Oooohh. Self-righteous? Pompous? Asleep? Perhaps am being a narcissist here and persecution-complexed paranoid. Yes, surely that is so. But same author said “All my big dreams always ended the same way: ‘Dorothy, wake up.’ Your writing ‘voice’ is great. Enjoy the day now.” Why doesn’t it feel like a stroke? Oh, right, paranoia.
Well. I’ve had lots of wake-up calls, and they’ve been about “wake up to what’s driving you, to your low self esteem and lousy entitlement, to what caused it and to the fact that you can do something about it.” It’s not about criticizing yourself, it’s about learning that you’re okay, you’re allowed to have the good things.
I’m never going to accept that other people stop me from realizing my dreams. They “stop me” because I don’t believe I’m lovable and am allowed to have back-up, support, unconditional love, spiritual fulfillment and material pleasure. So I don’t realize I have other options, and I don’t see them or go looking for them. The things that prevent me from moving forward are about me and are changeable.
As for the help, of course we can’t do it on our own. But if one person – or a million – tell me I can’t have my dream, what stops me from asking somebody else? I stop me. And I can change that.
If I can’t believe this, then I’m a victim of circumstance and my DNA, and life is about chaos because some people are lucky and others aren’t. I’m never going to buy that. It was a shock to read the article, which isn’t of course about me at all. But I’m relieved I don’t have that terrifying perspective. Mine is challenging, because I have to face the truth of myself, but it’s got more prospect.
And I don’t need to slash at people who have the courage to keep on dreaming, I can admire them and be inspired by them. I don’t need to make other people miserable just because I am.