Receiving and Asking for What you Need

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A very dear darling person deposited some money in my Paypal account.  I know who they are.  They know who they are.  Thank you.  This is what it did.  First I felt honored, and cared about.    Then it inspired me.   I’m going to be able to do this, and I’m not completely alone.  I’m going to be independent again, I’m going to have my life back.

Then inevitable APOLOGIZE FOR YOURSELF message wrought havoc with peace of mind and celebration for a while.  The Spoiler.  The minute anything good happens, it pops up.  Boing!  You don’t deserve this, you’re going to pay for it. Oh buzz off.   I’ll apologize when I’m in the wrong.

Is the universe aligning itself up on my side of the fence today?  Must be.  Yesterday I called the piano tuning company to get a quote.  Once this company sent out an arrogant twat who couldn’t get the tuning right.  When he was done and I wasn’t happy he went through the roof, said my ear is distorted, and dropped names of important pianistas whose pianos he tuned.  What did I care?  Eventually got rid of him – and paid him.  Lowly fool that I am.  Was.

Yesterday I called the same company, to just get a quote and find out if they have other tuners.  Before I know it I’m making an appointment, and saying don’t send me arrogant twat person please.  Thinking I shouldn’t do this, I’ll have to use food money, was interrupted by company owner apologizing for arrogant twat and offering this tuning for free!   Can have tuned piano and food.  Life is very very good.

Nice quiet, untantrumy fellow came today, said there’s nothing wrong with my ear, and patiently / expertly tuned my ancient piano which comes from Dresden, by the way.  Probably made in 1920’s.  I wonder who it belonged to.  My great-grandfather was a German Jew who came out to South Africa.  Imagine if it was in his family.  Love my piano.  It’s one of those old uprights whose strings are almost the length of a grand.  Fancy that.   Pads are shot from excessive playing, though.

How come I’m not any better than I am if I’ve played so much?   Slow learner.  Not a genius.  Arrested development.   Take your pick.  It is what it is.  You don’t have to be brilliant to have a dream.  You can be a plodder.  You can even be a confused bankrupt plodder.  Why not?  There’s no rule.  Got to stop thinking about myself as a bankrupt.

So, action list, 1 item ticked off.  V. good.


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