I know somebody who visits a friend every week. Every time they return from that visit they’re angry. And they take it out on me. Nothing overt. Just a tone of voice, snide remarks, trying to pick a fight. It’s not even about me.
Went down to the bank today to deposit a bit of money so I don’t somehow magically go into overdraft. Nothwithstanding pleasant experience the other day, am utterly paranoid about banks still, see them as voracious monster money-sucking predators that empty your account for no reason then hammer at your door and frog-march you to prison with a gun held to your head.
Have not been rehabilitated – what a dumb word to use, what do they think I am, a cripple? Oh right, I have been – BECAUSE OF THEM. Right, where was I? Yes, still got bad credit for another 3 years (7 down) and I’d better not forget it. I can have this lovely account which will let me link up to Paypal but if I go 1c into overdraft Slam! Bam! Crash! Account Closed.
Hence trip today to put money in lovely bank account. Had 3 R100 notes. Machine says stick money in, and I think well, how do I know machine will count it properly? So I do the whole rigmarole 6 times before I get it right, and feel like silly old paranoid country bumpkin half blind woman. Fumbling away with impossible to understand modern technology of ATM machine.
Now I feel v. virtuous and a woman of substance and the world. Have own bank account, can do online banking, have job, soon will have some more money. Have money be happy. Oh. But my blog title is it’s not about the money.
And what if I lose the job? Oh, oh, oh, doooom. I’m never going to be in charge of my life again, it’s all downhill from here, frogmarched to jail by Bank Dementors where I’ll spend the rest of my days muttering “bloody cheek” and trying to become spiritual.
At least I won’t have to worry about rent and food. I wonder if they’ll let me take my piano with me. I could play all day and all night and drive them crazy so they kick me out. Scat! Shoo! Then will be spiritual, stepped out of history brilliant piano player and can really begin life. You see? No matter what happens, will be able to find solution.