When I started singing again – 7 years ago? – after a million zillion years of not doing it I was going to go for it – I learned over a hundred jazz standards, wrote all the music out, learned basic (very basic!) jazz piano. Got some good feedback from some people, but every time I ventured out to sing for somebody I didn’t know, fear utterly paralyzed me and I couldn’t sing.
It was weird, I went to a nightclub on open-mic night, walked in, looked at the stage – and got diarrhea. To cut a long story short, I couldn’t get through the fear. Plus I was trying to recover from being plastered all over the metaphorical pavement, trying to pick up all my body and soul bits and piece them together. It was too much. I wasn’t ready.
I backed away. Needed some distance. I didn’t completely stop, I’ve been singing at home, and the strange thing is my singing has improved. I’m more confident in myself; I’m not so scared any more. I’m more integrated, not splattered all over the place. It’s taken time, that’s all.
Now I just got a possibly sustainable online job, which won’t make me a fortune, but it’ll bring in enough to pay my way, buy proper food and pay for lessons again. Fix my car, buy music, because I hardly have anything. You have to listen a lot if you want to sing, watch videos, listen to people live. All of that costs money. People never think about what’s involved in making your dream come true. The truth is you have to experience the world of it with all your senses. The more you do, the more awakens in you.
So here I am on the singing road again. The road less travelled. Exactly, it’s less travelled by me than I like. I need and want to travel it a whole lot more. So, I want to say thanks to that beautiful young woman on America’s Got Talent. She inspired me, re-affirmed for me that there’s a time to back away, and there’s a time to re-engage.