Honoring


Thinking about symptoms today, and balance and being out of balance and what it all means.   The theory that seems to make absolute sense to me is that emotions and physical symptoms are part of the same continuum, and they’re just signposts pointing us to something primary that we need.

Emotions are the first wake-up call we have that we’re out of balance.   Since the purpose of them is to make us listen, if we don’t, they become more powerful, and we get more uncomfortable.  Depression.

Still don’t listen to them and something else kicks in.   The part of you that needs something says okay, she’s not listening to emotions, so let’s try something else.  How about aches and pains.

Ignore the aches and pains and the part of you that needs something starts getting desperate.   Hey!  When are you going to listen?   Aches and pains become dis-ease and medical crises.

Ignore those, be brave and the body just gives up the ghost altogether.  Dead.  Well that went well, didn’t it.

I see lots of opinion that the problem is the emotion or the physical ailment, but it isn’t.  The problem is whatever I need that I’m not giving myself, or allowing myself to go looking for.  And that goes back to my not believing I’m entitled to it.  I don’t know how to honor myself, take myself seriously, listen to what I need.  I don’t know how to identify my needs.

Goshwin Stone, a writer on Searchwarp.com, said something beautiful in reply to an article I wrote there.  “I think the balance creates itself if we honor our worries and fears.”

If we don’t honor ourselves when we need to, we feel a symptom.  Easy to figure out the theory of it.  But here I am, with my heart doing loop-de-loop and it’s not because Jack suddenly walked into the room.  What have I not been listening to?

In the past couple of days I’ve become aware of the red-alert level of panic I haven’t been dealing with.  Trying to, but not succeeding.  Not listening properly.  It’s a relief to stop and say okay, I’ll listen, I’ll honor myself.

Because I want to be able to get to the end of my life and say truly, without sarcasm, but with pride and pleasure “that went well, didn’t it?”

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