I saw a film once in which the hero was a man who couldn’t stand up for himself. Nobody noticed him at work, people pushed him around all the time. He had gorgeous young daughter who had the soul of a lion. They adored each other.
One day he came to work – can’t remember why, but his daughter was with him – and somebody was in his parking space. He uber-politely and obsequiously asked the guy to move, but was laughed at and horribly humiliated in front of his daughter. I think he was even knocked down – by a man who, it later turned out, was hated by everybody at the office.
Short story is that our hero took a stand for the first time in his life. Challenged the bully to a fight. Got noticed by everybody, became the office hero. He took boxing lessons from some aging guru. His daughter didn’t want him to fight, but he said he had to.
Then right at the end, when face to face with his tormentor he realizes he’s not afraid of him any more and doesn’t have to fight him. He’s already won. All very spiritual and everything, and I understand the rationale. But personally I wanted to see the bully get his come-uppance. Yes, I know what it says about me.
I wonder if I’ll ever reach that super-elevated place of wisdom where I feel safe enough within myself and my world to not want to fight, or if I’ll remain for the rest of this particular earthly experience getting slitty-eyed scratchy-cat defensive every time I feel threatened, whether by people or circumstances. Real or not.
Probably in a past life I was a warrior and didn’t finish doing my warrior-ing. Or else I’m preparing to be one in the next life. Maybe way way way down the line I’ll be enlightened. Thing is, try as I might, I just can’t find the idea of being all smooth and wise and calm and forgiving very appealing. Sounds horribly dull to me.
I mean, I want to step out of history, but not that far. I probably don’t have to worry much, as doubtless it’s never going to happen.