I’m happily astonished. Pinch me, is this real?
I’ve needed a scanning resource for so long as I have a ton of slides I took when I first bought my camera more than 10 years ago. I really loved photography, and wanted to go further with it, but I see so clearly now that I couldn’t see a way forward. All I saw was “it’s impossible for you”. And then I lost everything and didn’t have a digital camera or internet and everything became too expensive and difficult. And I believed there was no solution.
My photography-desire has always lain dormant but resonating. I want to do it, I love photographs passionately. But I’ve just always thought I couldn’t somehow, because I don’t have a digital camera and my old (quite nice) camera is too expensive to use. Then today I was told about the online photo stock industry, and light bulbs went off. I have a ton of photos – mostly slides though. I’ve always thought it would cost too much to have them scanned. I’ve also never understood how to make a website or do online marketing.
Today I was given free access to a scanner which does prints and slides. Another whole new world opening up for me. And no barriers to stop me entering. I can build my own website, load my photos, flog them, do what I want with them. And when some money comes in I want a really good digital.
I’ve also needed a Paypal account, and haven’t been able to set one up because I haven’t been officially rehabilitated from bankruptcy – because it costs too much, of course! I’ve felt quite desperate about that and frustrated, because it restricts the amount of internet business of any sort that I can do.
Bingo. Today somebody set up Paypal for me
The obstacles that have been in my way are melting. It’s extraordinary. It has been so flipping hard for me to make my way in the world, it’s seemed at times completely impossible that I’d ever scrape myself off the pavement after bankruptcy, and worse, that I’d ever recover from my childhood. For the longest time all I heard from the world was NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
The only person saying YES was my therapist. That’s where it all started, this journey towards stepping out of my history.
Now the YES’s are starting to roll in. It’s as if all the chains that bound me are loosening, slipping down to the ground. I can step out of them. I can finally see the real, material effect in my life of all the inner work.
If I look back, I guess it’s been happening slowly, methodically for a long time now, I just haven’t been conscious of it. It isn’t a big whammy overnight miracle now, either. It’s still methodical, progress on all fronts, but the curve is getting quite exponential, and I’m getting more YES’s than NO’s. Wait a minute, I can’t remember the last time I got a NO. Small things, big things, people saying yes all the time, opportunities opening out, friendships being forged.
Holy cow. I look around me in astonishment. Could it be possible, have I made the transition to a world that says YES to me? Can that be the normal thing in my life? I believe it can. You better believe I believe it!
Is it true, that it doesn’t have to be difficult for me to survive in the world, to flourish, to be happy, content, fulfilled?
How can I describe to you what it feels like to be experiencing “yes” from life? I know it’s not a miracle, I know it’s the result of all the therapy work I’ve done, of all the years I’ve had the good fortune to experience unconditional parenting love and incredible support. Still, I have to say it feels like a miracle.
I big, shiny, wonderful miracle.
Stepping out of history from then to now in a real way, not just in my head and my fantasy.
Whoo boy, this feels good.