My broadband allocation just ran out and I freaked out, less than an hour after my last post, when I was feeling clear, safe, fluid and light. For about a minute my world crashed. I was able to fix it quickly and with ease, but the terror that flooded my body for a few seconds was intolerable. Also utterly inappropriate.
Like Post traumatic stress syndrome. Anybody would think I’d been blown up by a pipe bomb or something 6 years ago. In some ways I was. I can’t be this vulnerable any more. I have to create some kind of security for myself. Or let it happen. Whatever, however, it must happen. At least I righted myself quickly this time. Feel fine again.
I must have a space within myself and in the world that is unassailable. Where I can practise the tango, hang out, feel safe and be free to express myself.
Just like Emilio. He doesn’t have a care in the world.
I wonder what he does for a living. Oh that’s right, he won the lottery…