When I was playing yesterday I wondered if I could become good enough to study at university, jazz for my voice and classical piano for my hands. Seems like a pretty faraway dream.
I generally hate institutions, but maybe that’s because I’m just scared of being bullied to a pulp by competitiveness, egotistical teachers, unnatural pressure…
But what if I didn’t buy into all of that? What if I didn’t even draw it into my world? I think exams are ridiculous also, but what if I didn’t care about passing or failing, just about playing? Hey, what if I was good enough to naturally pass, given how much I love practicing?
Would I be able to stand beside brilliant youth and not be discouraged? Would I be able to shine at all? Because that’s what I want. I want to shine.
Maybe it would be a disappointment. Maybe I’d have to face that I’m a mediocre talent and have no inherent capacity to shine at all beside other musicians.
Maybe it wouldn’t matter, maybe I wouldn’t have to compare myself. Maybe they would inspire me. Maybe they’d even like me.
This much I’m willing to say here: if I decide I want to, then I will. I’ll find a way. I won’t let anything stop me.
That would really be stepping out of my history!