Comparing myself with achievers

I often make comparisons between myself and women who’ve achieved greatly.  Needless to say, I don’t come out on top.   But sometimes it’s good to make different comparisons than the success ones.  Take Oprah.  I know, dangerous ground.  Despite all her wealth and influence, and success and achievements and all the people she knows or has met, she hasn’t been able to draw into her world a person who could show her a sustainable solution to her biggest challenge.

We’re the same age, and in stark contrast to her I don’t have enough material wealth to feed myself and pay rent from month to month.  At the moment.  I lost three businesses in a row six years ago.  I’m still trying to find my feet and I’m just beginning to establish my chosen career.  I don’t have a social life and I don’t even have one intimate friend.  At the moment.

Yet I’ve been able to draw into my world a person who could teach me how to clean up the mess of my life starting at the core.   At different times in my life I’ve been addicted to cocaine, alcohol, smoking, food and neurotic relationships.  I lived with massive depression until the age of about 35.   Whenever I gave up one addiction I’d move into another.   Bankruptcy was the last, and the most potent, crisis.  The wake-up call I was able to listen to.

I haven’t gone on diets, subjected myself to hypnosis or done meditation, or taken medication.   All I’ve done is learn how to listen to myself and recognize what I’m hungry for – and how to meet that need healthily.  It’s simple in theory, but in reality it’s intricate, complex and challenging, and something I would never have been able to do on my own.   But I didn’t need to.   Because I did draw into my world somebody who understands it and knows how to teach it to me.

The more I’ve learned, the more my neurotic behaviors have fallen away.  I used to live with a gaping abyss, and I tried to anaesthetize it at different times with drugs, alcohol, food, smoking, anorexia, co-dependent relationships.  But the abyss didn’t go away and it didn’t diminish, so I couldn’t stop taking the anesthetics.

Until I began this process of learning how to listen to myself, how to deal with my emotions, and meet my needs.   I don’t ever feel even drawn to trying to anaesthetize any more.  I don’t need to.  Don’t have to discipline myself.

The easy way to cure yourself of drug addiction and to lose weight.  Well, it’s not really the easy way.   It’s real hard, actually.  Rewarding, though.  I wouldn’t say I’m totally healed, I’m still learning, but I’m done with the addictive behaviors, so that’s one giant step for me.

Now I have to figure out how to generate and experience material abundance.  Oprah and I should be friends.  I could teach her how to lose weight without dieting and she could teach me how to access back-up and support.  She’s always talking about asking the right people.

Oprah deserves the gift like the one I’ve had, and I deserve the gift of the work that I love bringing me material reward, as she has.  Life surely loves us both enough that we can both have these presents.


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